I guess it had to come to this. When we started it was so much fun – you understood my needs and made me feel so special. It wasn’t just the big things either, like the cutting and styling, but those little things you did that made our relationship so great. You made me laugh and we were able to talk so freely. I was so taken up with the complimentary designer chocolates and free cups of coffee, the huge range of up-to-date magazines, the hair protein treatments and head massages and the funky music and lighting in the salon that I guess I didn’t notice that in five years the cost of having my haircut has gone up by about $35. And we both know that my hair is not so challenging, pretty boring really – naturally straight, natural colour … it hardly extends your styling talents, and you are an exceptionally talented stylist.
Look, it’s not you, it’s me. I’ve changed. I need something different now and, well, I’ve found someone else. She doesn’t have your excitement and her hair is not fuchsia pink. Nor Kermit green. Nor Alan Jones purple. She doesn’t give out designer chocolates or free cups of coffee and there is no funky music or lighting in the salon. It’s all pretty basic really. But, somehow, she meets what I need right now. Which is a more simple and uncluttered approach to life. Well, that and an unchallenging haircut for under $100. She actually does it for under $50.
I want you to know that this was not an easy decision for me, after all we’ve been through together, but I’m happier now than I have been for ages and I think I should have made the break earlier. It’s better for both of us this way. There’ll be someone else. There are lots of women – and men – out there who would die for a stylist like you. They want excitement in the salon and designer chocolates and funky music and everything. They might even accede to your suggestions for extra protein treatments, colouring and straightening and be interested in trying out the latest hair fashions. But I’ve been there – I’ve had green and purple hair, and it was long before I met you.
So, this is goodbye. It’s been a great five years of hair styling and we’re both going to grow from the experience. In your case, your styling skills will grow by finding a new and more challenging client than me, and in my case my bank balance will grow by having more than halved my haircut costs. Hey, I might even be able to afford to buy my own designer chocolates.